2 min readOct 21, 2023

Hello Darkness, my old friend…

So here I am again. Grief has returned to me and sunk in its claws. My grandfather died Thursday night. I had a complicated relationship with him, so I don’t completely know how I feel. But I do know this: I am ANGRY.

I’m angry at the people who I thought would leave more than a comment on an Instagram post. I’m angry at the person I thought would do more than just send a text. Like, not even a phone call to see how I’m doing?? And honestly, I’m angry that I’m angry because this is the third family member I’ve lost and this has happened every time.

I get it. Death is an uncomfortable thing to discuss for those that have little experience with it. (Unfortunately, that’s not me anymore.) But when someone needs you to show up, you show up. Even if all you have to offer is that you don’t know what to say.

My grandfather hasn’t even been gone for 48 hours and people are already fucking up, so I thought it was time for a refresher on how to communicate with the bereaved.

  1. DO NOT tell someone who has just lost their grandfather to “Have a good evening!” How THE FUCK am I gonna do that when a family member has just died??
  2. DO NOT say after you’ve sent your condolences, “Hope all is well with your family.” Please explain to me how THE FUCK all could possibly be well…