Today my grandmother has officially been gone for seven years and I can’t believe it. I can’t believe I’m still here, honestly. And without my therapist, I wouldn’t be because when she died, I thought it was the end of everything for me.
I’m glad to still be here, but I’m just really sad today, which is what I think this day should be for. Her birthday I try to be happy and celebrate her and her life. But not today. Today is for all the times I wanted to cry, but held it in. Today is for reflection, not talking.
I’m also angry today because I didn’t have a lot of people check in on me, but the people closest to me did, so that’s what matters I guess.
I don’t know, in some ways it feels like I have come a long way in my mourning and in some ways, I’m feeling some of the feelings I felt when my grandmother first passed. Grief/mourning is tricky like that I guess.
It also doesn’t help that I’m going through something else right now. I’m just not in the best space right now, so this compiled with that makes for a very shitty day.
For those of you that have recently experienced a loss, even though I’m struggling a bit today, this anniversary is not nearly as hard as they were in the beginning. Just know that as extremely difficult as grieving is, it does get better. Bit by bit.
